A Housework Manifesto

So often, you walk into a home and the woman of the house apologizes for "the mess."  Do you ever hear men apologize to visitors for dirty dishes? Or children apologize to their playmates for accidentally leaving out toys? Of course not. Why is this? Because women are still seen as primarily responsible for housework (And don’t even get me started on women apologizing for not having had time to put make-up on...). Even if they are believers in equal sharing of housework, or if they have carefully portioned out chores to members of the family, or if they are the primary breadwinner, it is still the woman who apologizes to guests that there are dishes or laundry sitting out. This constant apologizing - and guests accepting that apology - reinforces an unfair expectation of women always accepting responsibility for housework and parenting and encourages guilt and shame on women who already know they are far from being the perfect mother, wife, employee, and housekeeper. Because this situation is somewhat maddening to me, I have written a personal “Housework Manifesto”:

I promise my children’s toys will never be completely put away. I promise there will always be dishes in the sink. I promise I will never “finish” the laundry. I promise that dinner will rarely be ready exactly when my husband gets home. I promise there will be many days when my children are the perfect example of a fashion faux pas. I promise that there will always be some dirt on my floor. I promise there will be books and homework sitting out. I promise that socks will often lose their mates. And last of all, for all of this, unless there is, literally, a poopy diaper on the living room floor or a visitor impales him/herself on a child’s toy, I will never, ever apologize.

On the other hand, I also promise that my apartment or house will be a home. I promise that I will try to be a kind and loving wife and to raise children who know they are loved and cared for. I promise that in my home, family will come before housework and that we will talk, laugh, argue, play, work, and pray. If these promises are not fulfilled, that would be a truly good reason for an apology.